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The colossal fail that is “Twilight”

I don’t fall asleep during movies. If I’m mentally and emotionally engaged at all, I have to stay awake. The only exception is when the movie is so bad that I actually decide to fall asleep because the thought of enduring the rest of it is less appealing than being unconscious.

I slept through the second half of both of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants disasters films. As of the other night, I can now add Twilight to the short list of movies so asinine that they aren’t even worth staying awake for.

Twilight is what some might call “a skidmark on the underpants of society.” The underpants of Hollywood, specifically. It is to movies what Britney Spears is to music, what Applebee’s is to restaurants, what Tyra Banks is to reality TV.

Twilight achieved such profound levels of idiocy that I feel as though my IQ is dropping just by sitting here writing about it. So, I’ll point you to Andrew Osenga, one of my favorite musicians who wrote a review of the book Twilight that is so hilarious that I’m compelled to share it with you here.

Like I said, I fell asleep before the end, but I don’t regret this. Probably the same way Osenga doesn’t regret not reading the last ten pages of the book:

I knew there was a sequel, which meant that at least most of the characters did not die in an atomic bomb during those last ten pages and therefore there was no ending that would have satisfied me.

Word, Mr. Osenga. Word.

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Filed under: Movies,

9 Responses

  1. Kaley says:

    I do not think the book “Twilight” sucks. Yes, it’s sequels might, but it didn’t. And so think of me what you will.

  2. msatheeshkumar says:

    Oh my Gosh!!! I was thinking exactly opposite about the movie ‘Twilight.’ Now seen quite a huge number of blogs posting negative opinion about the movie.

  3. janaiha says:

    hahaha. i haven’t seen/read the movie/book, but given your ‘tribute’, for better or worse, i’m very intrigued. lol. =}

  4. msatheeshkumar says:

    Hey Drew how do you do??? Did u watch the movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua released in 2008??? Its really an excellent movie.I got 100% entertainment from that movie.It may be childish and simple,but believe me,the movie made me go better for a few days. What kind of movies do u like??? Commercial action movies or artistic message-oriented movies??? Let me know ur taste,friend.

    • Drew says:

      I like all kinds! Comedy, suspense, artistic/independent. I haven’t seen Beverly Hills Chihuahua, but maybe I’ll check it out based on your recommendation!

  5. Chris says:

    2 Things I’d like to point out:

    1) Your previous post about having bad taste in movies ( which might suggest what you deem a bad movie as actually being decent)

    2) The book is geared for a middle school age group! Expect it to be that level of entertainment.

    Thats all I’m saying. (There is alot worse)

  6. Keri says:

    Drew-I must say I agree with the movie…but you can’t put it up against movies that had the funding. The books are amazing, and well worth your time. The movie was considered a “B” movie and was created with next to no funding. Book 2 through 4 will be fully funded for the movies, and while of all the books I think book 2 is the worst, I think I’ll enjoy them more with the better funding. 🙂 Don’t give up on the Twilight series just yet. All books are better than the movie, and DEFINITLY better than a movie made w/ little funding. 🙂 Hope you guys are doing well! Keri

  7. Kim J. says:

    Hmmm…too funny that the blog on Twilight is the blog that garners the most comments. 🙂

  8. I have to say I enjoyed Twilight just for its cheesetastic-ly awesome lameness. It’s so bad it’s great!

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